Hey, he's got a gun!...oh, wait....

It has always been my understanding that Academia only revokes degrees already conferred upon a graduate in extreme circumstances nearly always in situations of questionable academic integrity. Well, apparently, Penn State revoked the degree of a guy who ran in his undies down East Beaver Avenue as the crowd dubbed him "mullet man". Let that be a lesson to all you co-eds; drink, smoke, screw like bunnies just don't dare go running into a riot with your boxer shorts on lest you wind up like the mullet man. Pranks will not be tolerated and the beatings will continue until morale improves.