Soylent Merging

HP is apparently looking for employee shills for the advertising campaign to get the stockholders to vote 'yes' on the proposed HP/Compaq merger. Sadly I won't be able to make it out to Cali for the screen test but I thought about what I might have said if I had to help make the "genuine and heartfelt appeal to stockowners to vote "YES" and unlock the full potential of HP and Compaq people".

HP 'Just Say YES' Campaign

"Hello, I'm Elaine and I was sold to HP about 6 months ago in an outsourcing deal with Nokia. I'm a Sr. Unix Sysadmin but, since they laid off most of the people in the building I'm more or less a lost engineer who makes an account now and then while watching the exciting backup reports go by on my console. I'm looking forward to the merger so that I can become an even smaller cog in a much larger entity where I can do less for even more money. I love my job at HP as I don't even know who my boss is but I get reminded to be sure to fill in my time in OMEGA every other day and attend pointless meetings where we talk about keeping up with our OMEGA hours. HP has billing the customer down to a fine science! It's OMEGA-riffic!

It will be a fantastic time waiting and watching to see who will get to be the lucky recipients of the 30,000 layoffs included with the merger. This is going to be so exciting, I can hardly contain myself. Even my fish look enthused. Vote "YES" for the merger as the only thing better than a big bloated bureaucratic compnay is to have 2 of them merged into one hulking monster bloated corporation! You know you want another Enron! Vote "YES" even though our printers and, well, most of our products totally suck these days but bad management and poor vision are sure to improve our product line real soon. The Soylent HP/Compaq merger is pppeeeeeooooplllee! ppppeeeeooooppplllleee!"

Well, the odds of that making it into the final commercial is pretty slim since it is genuine and heartfelt but probably not what the ad execs had in mind. It felt good just writing it anyway. Maybe the Hewletts will need some employees for the 'Hell NO' campaign and I'll be all primed :)