Mme. Strangelove

"How I Stopped Worrying About Getting the Shove and Learned I Could Be a Complete Bitch and Still Get a Bonus" or "I'm Not Helen Keller".

It is very frequent that users expect sysadmins to do the impossible and fix their problems with ease and alacrity in the face of terrible odds. When we last left this drama I was asked to install a new version of Solaris on a box in California without a remote console, media, or local talent. It gets better....

So, the guy in the Cali office goes to Fry's and gets a bunch of 25-pin cables and cheerfully informs me that he has connected another box to the box I need to work on via the "//" port. Now, if you are an SA and I have to explain why the word "console" and the "//" port don't go together, don't let me catch you at a keyboard. I try not to laugh, sob and leave my resignation on my desk. While this is happening I get another box out in California with the same scenario; no console, no local talent and no media. Terrific! I will add here that these are backup systems as well which are usually considered 'critical' in any organisation. The following email exchange happens between myself and the 'storage systems manager', we'll call him Bubba;

<ME> Bubba, I'm not Helen Keller. How in the hell did these systems get installed without console servers or local talent?
<BUBBA> We've been lucky. They were installed a few years ago by "x-company" and haven't needed much work.
<ME> Lucky? Is that what they call slacking nowadays? Look, someone either needs to be on site or install a console gateway. I am not a miracle worker.
<BUBBA> Yup.
<ME> I can't log on to the box in SoCal.
<BUBBA> Oh, it has always been slow to give you a prompt. Just wait about 15 minutes. I've been meaning to open a ticket with the network guys about that.
<ME> Is this some kind of sick joke?
[ ....I log onto the system in question....]
<ME> Giving a box a class B subnet mask with a class C address would cause the problem you are seeing....didn't anyone bother to look?
<BUBBA> Oh, well, should we open a ticket for a reboot?

At this point I'm pissed off enough to call the top of the food chain of this miserable ship of fools...so I do.

<ME> Hello, this is Elaine.
<BIGCHEESE> I know. I have caller ID.
<ME> Excellent. Look, do you have a minute?
<BIGCHEESE> Sure and I need to talk to you about something else too.
[ ... right here I get excited at the thought of being fired :) ... ]
<ME> I'm not Helen Keller, what gives with the lack of console servers in places where we have no local talent?
<BIGCHEESE> [ long spiel about budget crap ]
<ME> Well, backups are important, some would say even critical and I can't do this job without something to go on here so...either I get a console or I walk away.
<BIGCHEESE> Would a PC hooked up via a serial cable and PC remote control work?
<ME> Is that the best we can do?
<BIGCHEESE> For the moment, yes.
[ ... while visions of a glorioius resignation dances through my head ... ]
<BIGCHEESE> Oh, and I wanted to talk to you about something else...
[ ... me hoping for the 'you're fired part' ... ]
<BIGCHEESE> We're giving you a bonus.
[ ... Long pause ... ]
<ME> Well...that's unexpected and generous.
<BIGCHEESE> You should see it this week.

So, here I am wondering why in the hell I can't get a console gateway and why they are giving me a bonus when I wanted to be put mercifully out of my misery. I keep expecting to wake up with a striped rep tie that defies gravity.