The Wannabe PHB

Yesterday was the shareholder vote for the HP/Compaq merger. While Carly was announcing victory in a close vote and getting boos from the voters I was busy not really caring. It will be a disaster, of course, as yet more diversity in computing dies leaving us with fewer choices until there is only one vendor left. I was sold to this company a few months ago and don't really care, especially since I'm leaving the country at the end of the year.

However, one of my fellow co-workers is a PHB in training who is terribly enthused by the merger. He likes to send me frequent management edicts and updates about the event. WPHB [ as I shall refer to him henceforth ] is an ass kisser as when we were asked in a recent meeting about applying patches to our laptop PCs he replied that he anticipated the need and did it a month ago while I replied that I hadn't read my HP mail in over a month but that I'd get to it eventually.

<WPHB> So, what did you think of the vote yesterday?
<ME> Didn't watch, don't care.
<WPHB> Did you get that article I sent?
<ME> Yes, I deleted it. This merger will suck and 30,000 people will be out of a job, possibly you.
<WPHB> Oh, it will be good for the company, you'll see.
<ME> Any company that employs this many asstards and idiots cannot last for long. I feel for the Hewlett Foundation.
<WPHB> I know you don't care about this company but I plan on moving up the ranks quite rapidly.
<ME> You'll make a fine PHB some day.
<WPHB> PHB?
<ME> You're joking.
<WPHB> Hey, I'm not as ancient as you.
[ ... I contemplate ripping the little 23 year-old fuckers' vocal cords out of his neck ... ]
<ME> Dilbert is well within your age group.
<WPHB> I love Dilbert...what's a PHB.
[ ... again disbelief, sorrow, and a desperate wish for a speedy termination dance through my head ... ]
<ME> [ I make pointy hair motions with my fingers over my head ] You know, Dilbert's boss...POINTY HAIR, PHB, GET IT?
<WPHB> Oh, I never heard of that before.
<ME> Get out of my cube.
<WPHB> But...
<ME> Now.

You know, I just can't manufacture fiction that would be this entertaining. Life is, indeed, stranger than fiction. I might add that I got a bonus...asskisser didn't :)