Ice Cream is not Sexy enough for Utah

Utah, in a move to designate a sexy state snack, elected Jell-O as the Official State Snack. A state which still amazes me it manages to procreate without any booze managed to name a plastic dessert as their state snack?! I mean, who snacks on Jell-O? I've had Jell-O wars with cubes of Jell-O fortified with a couple extra packets of gelatin, had it as a dessert to complement a fine dinner of macaroni with cheese and hot dogs and gotten drunk on Cape Codder Jell-O shooters but...snack?! Perhaps the Mormons will publish a Jell-O cookbook to give us some insight as to how they manage to have the highest per capita consumption of Jell-O in the world. I'll bet it's the Jell-O wrestling matches they have in the temple on Friday and Saturday nights. :)

permalink Ω 28 May 2002, Helsinki

Take a trip without luggage

Book find of the month, The Clitourist. I hope they do a companion volume "Adventures with Dick" :)

permalink Ω 26 May 2002, Helsinki

The dark side of the workplace

I've recently started commuting to work via my bicycle and have found it to be quite pleasant. Yesterday, as I got on my bike to ride to work, my bottle cage simply fell off. Now, anyone who knows how these things are attached to the frame via hex screws knows why I thought that this was odd. I got out my hex wrench and refastened the cage and rode to work.

When I arrived at work [ I park my bike in my cube ] the WannabePHB I've previously ranted about asked, "How was the ride in?". I gave him a strange look since I have become enemy No.1 lately as I have not agreed to be assimilated into his HPQ borg mentality. I commented that the ride was fine and ignored him for the rest of the day as per usual. On the ride home I started thinking about the odds of that bottle cage, both screws, coming loose at the same time without some sort of 'help'...then I remembered the WPHB's enquiring about how the riding was going. While I could never prove that he loosened the nuts, the coincidence of him actually talking to me by asking my bike and the cage falling off seems too unusual to dismiss as an increase in ΔG. It's not a major problem for a bottle cage to fall off but had it done this while I was in traffic it likely would have caused me some sort of injury.

Curious, I did a little poking around on workplace violence statistics and am not comforted by the high incidence especially since WPHB fits the profile nearly perfectly. It's pretty spooky. When I said my job was boring and dull I didn't mean to make it more exciting by having coworkers try to kill me :) I think I'll start parking my bike downstairs where security has a camera on them and ask them to keep an eye out for people loosening screws, hide all the hex wrenches in the toolbox at work and double-check my bike before riding from now on.

Only the paranoid survive - Andy Grove

permalink Ω 24 May 2002, Helsinki

The Mother Forked Tongue

AskOxford didn't seem to have any information on English being dangerous to your health but it seems to be making the rounds in email these days...I should get working more diligently on my Finnish and lay in a stock of red wine. :)

It Will Kill You!

(a) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(b) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(c) The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(d) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
(e) Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

permalink Ω 23 May 2002, Helsinki

Wicked Bad Drivahs

Back to repeat the victory of being the worst last year, Boston has returned victorious with the Worst Drivers in the fourth annual consusmer safe driving survey[ click on the yellow sq. for the report ]. I say, I say, I'm shocked and amazed! Damn, if I had a nickel for every motherfucker in an SUV on 128 who rode my bumper at 80mph+ or in inclement weather I'd be rich. Every time some asstard honks the horn at me while riding my bike just to be obnoxious or while in a car the second the light turns green I wish for an array of rear deployed heat seeking missiles. Perhaps removing these bad drivers from the gene pool now might improve Boston drivers before the next Millenium. If there was a grade lower than "F" I'd award it to Boston drivers. Wicked Retahded.

permalink Ω 21 May 2002, Helsinki

When parodies attack!

So the Attack of the Clones is here finally and, like everyone else it seems, I'm waxing nostalgic for the Star Wars that was so impressive at first but has become a hackneyed part of the pop culture fabric of life. My older sister dragged me to the movie back in 1977 when she ran out of boyfriends to take her yet didn't want to go alone. We wound up seeing it 8 or 9 times and we eagerly awaited the next movie. Part of the charm of the movies was their almost B-movie quality dialogue and plot combined with the romance of space and special effects. Success changes everything and kills that which made it so attractive in the beginning, the edge dulls.

Last year Jarkko and I visited a touring exhibit titled The Art of Star Wars. [ Incidently it has finally arrived in the US "Star Wars: The Magic of Myth" at the Brooklyn Museum of Art until 7 July. ] The most interesting thing about the exhibit was the contrast between the style of the first 3 movies and the Phantom Menace. Immediately you realise just how much more money has been spent and how garish it seems compared to the austere simplicity of the first 3 movies. I also learned that the necklace Leia wears in the awards ceremony at the end of the first film was designed by a Finn.

Rather than fighting the crowds to see a movie that will ultimately disappoint and irritate me even more than PM did I decided to watch a few parodies instead; You'll laugh, you'll cry! You'll kiss $12.99 good-bye! Hardware Wars and Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle. I also need to get a copy of George Lucas in Love. Even political satirists are hopping the pop culture wave with May the Farce Be with You.

I'm not sure which aggravates me more; knowing that I'll go see the movie even though I'm reasonably sure it will suck or Darth Jesus and the Jar Jar Binks show. The Death Star has a tractor beam on my wallet.

Mesa gotsa bad feeling about this. :)

permalink Ω 17 May 2002, Helsinki

Skwerlz like da P-Nut

Even when HoneyBear, my St. Bernard, was a puppy he was very picky about his treats often leaving me disappointed after buying him a bag of the most yummy biscuits the pet shop had to offer. After a lot of trial and error it turned out he liked these little peanut shaped and flavoured biscuits that you could buy by the ton at Wal-Mart for $2. Figures. After moving out east I had a very difficult time finding them but found another biscuit he liked, P-Nuttier, which are not anywhere near as cheap as the previous brand. You know your wallet starts groaning when the package has the words like 'wholesome' and 'oatmeal and apples' on it. He's nearly 80 in dog years so I spoil him, it's true.

This morning, however, I found that not only does HB like the P-Nuttier biscuits but so does a huge, fat, rolly-polly squirrel who haunts the yard and, apparently, finds plenty of HB's leftovers to make the trip worthwhile. Squirrels appear to have a weakness for peanut butter. Hmm. Maybe I should continue to fatten him up and grill 'em for dinner. HB caught a squirrel once when he was a pupppy so he's rather bored with the idea of chasing them these days and I'm beginning to think he intentionally leaves crumbs behind for this corpulent squirrel :) mmmm...cornbread and squirrel for dinner.

permalink Ω 15 May 2002, Helsinki

Steinbeck Revisited

This year is the Steinbeck Centennial and Penguin Putnam has published a boxed set of some of his more famous works most of us were forced to read and write papers on in grade school. I never liked The Grapes of Wrath, East of Eden and I cried my way through The Red Pony. I identified him with depressingly sad tales that I had no way of relating to as an 8 year old but, on a whim, I looked on Amazon to see what titles they had of his and I noticed he wrote quite a bit of nonfiction so I loaded up my basket and decided to give him a second chance.

What a difference a genre makes! His nonfiction is glorious, crisp and I suspect Tom Wolfe was influenced by Steinbeck's journalistic style. The Wayward Bus, America and Americans and Selected Nonfiction, The Log from the Sea of Cortez, A Russian Journal, Once There Was a War and Travels with Charley in Search of America are a tribute to the craft of telling a story which seems to be a dying art these days.

With all the mad hoo-ha over blogging replacing journalism it's easy to see in prose like Steinbeck's why that will never, ever happen as long as there is a story to tell and someone worthy of telling it. Blogging isn't journalism any more than the gossip page in the local paper is journalism but both have their place. In an age of the 5 second newsbite and millions of cross-linking blogs I would love to see more real in-depth stories told by the likes of a Wolfe or a Steinbeck.

When I was very young and the urge to be someplace else was on me, I was assured by mature people that maturity would cure this itch. When years described me as mature, the remedy prescribed was middle age. In middle age I was assured that greater age would calm my fever and now that I am fifty-eight perhaps senility will do the job. Nothing has worked. Four hoarse blasts of a ship's whistle still raise the hair on my neck and set my feet to tapping. The sound of a jet, an engine warming up, even the clopping of shod hooves on pavement brings on the ancient shudder, the dry mouth and vacant eye, the hot palms and the churn of stomach high up under the rib cage. In other words, I don't improve; in further words, once a bum always a bum. I fear the disease is incurable. I set this matter down not to instruct others but to inform myself.

When the virus of restlessness begins to take possession of a wayward man, and the road away from Here seems broad and straight and sweet, the victim must first find in himself a good and sufficient reason for going. This to the practical bum is not difficult. He has a built-in garden of reasons to choose from. Next he must plan his trip in time and space, choose a direction and a destination. And last he must implement the journey. How to go, what to take, how long to stay. This part of the process is invariable and immortal. I set it down only so that newcomers to bumdom, like teen-agers in new-hatched sin, will not think they invented it.

The mark of a good storyteller is how timeless and classic the work remains with the passage of time like Aeschylus and Shakespeare as, while fads come and go, the human condition is at its core still the same as it ever was. So, Happy 100th Birthday Mr. Steinbeck and I humbly apologise for dismissing your work on the basis of my dislike of your depressing fiction. May you fly to the stars on the wings of a pig. :)

permalink Ω 14 May 2002, Helsinki

Worst-Case Golf

The Worst-Case Scenario people have done it again, Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook: Golf. I've never actually figured out what the point of golf is even though my brothers-in-law all swear by the little white ball but I still laugh until my sides hurt at Caddyshack. Screw the first 18 holes, I'll see you at the 19th by the pool while reading this...I wonder if they have a section on "How not to laugh and point at the guys who dress like golf pros from the 40s" :)

permalink Ω 14 May 2002, Helsinki

Bike to work week

It's Bike to Work Week and Thursday is Bike to Work Day. I often look to the skies and remember with great fondness how the days following September 11 were so quiet and wish that somehow people might trade in their SUVs for bicycles and masstransit more often than not. The population would be slimmer, would sleep better and the environment would benefit from less gridlock. It's a nice dream that will probably only receive any notice after Antarctica has melted or all the crude oil has been depleted.

permalink Ω 14 May 2002, Helsinki

Moooo-nogram

I've just seen the absolute limit in monogramming; A Monogram Steak Brand. A Moooo-nogram. I wonder how soon before they introduce monogram butter molds and free range chickens that can speak your name. :)

permalink Ω 13 May 2002, Helsinki

The 'real' Ginger

If you like ginger then run, don't walk, to The Ginger People. The ginger chews are viciously addictive :)

permalink Ω 10 May 2002, Helsinki

My Lust for Atlantis

I got rid of the Volvo last month as there was little reason for us to have 2 cars and I didn't want to leave it until the last minute to sell it before leaving for Finland. Cars in Finland are prohibitively priced for mere mortals which may be why they have such lush countryside and bike paths everywhere in the cities. I have a 13 year-old Specialized Sequoia I bought on sale when I was too broke to buy anything nicer or that actually fit me. It has served me well but I've been thinking that if I'm going to ride a bike instead of a car I may as well have one that fits me and has the stuff I want on it for a change.

So I'm lusting for The Atlantis with some durable fittings that will be able to survive the wet and cold of Finland Winters along with fenders, rear rack and dynamo powered lights. The thing is that shopping for a bike as a non-gearhead is like being an AOL user showing up at a hacker con since I always feel like I'm being sized up and cast off 5 feet in the door, immediately recognised as not being 'one of them'. It's true, I don't sleep next to my bike or have chain grease permanently fixed under my nails but I used to do some pretty serious touring a while back so maybe that counts for something :)

permalink Ω 8 May 2002, Helsinki

Credibility Hounds

Consumer Reports has branched out onto the web and formed Consumer Webwatch with the help of the Pew Charitable Trust and others to help build credibility for online shopping. The site is new but it has a long list of resources if you get the short end of an online purchase as well as an interesting report: A Matter of Trust: What Users Want From Web Sites. Particularly interesting is the ranking of trust for a list of various institutions as it surprised me how even non-profits rank pretty high on the scale of distrust.

permalink Ω 8 May 2002, Helsinki

What about a tame monkey?

Sun bug report 4256482 - Banging on keyboard during cde startup causes dtwm hang. The workaround, and I quote, Don't bang on the keyboard like a wild monkey (my thanks to the submitter of bug 4102680 for the literary construct) :)

permalink Ω 6 May 2002, Helsinki

Warp speed Mr. Dyson

Project Orion: The True Story of the Atomic Spaceship is a new book by Freeman Dyson's son George. The 50s and 60s were a wacky time and it doesn't surprise me one bit that while people were drinking martinis, buying Saturn Lamps and doing the frug, Freeman Dyson and friends were attempting to build a nuclear powered space ship. It makes Arthur C. Clarke and Jules Verne seem even more clairvoyant than previously thought. The age of the atom may be coming back into vogue now too as Nevada has announced atomic test license plates to commemorate it's nuclear legacy.

permalink Ω 4 May 2002, Helsinki

Sweet Buns

I don't buy a lot of cookbooks as most have bad recipes with pretty pictures of food made by professionals or they have ingredients that are hard to find and impractical to make. Ditto for cooking magazines. But, Cook's Illustrated Magazine and their Best Recipe Cookbook series from their test kitchen are impeccable in their attention to detail and explaining how and why the recipe works.

In the July 2002 issue of the magazine there is a recipe for the best cinnamon buns I've made in a long while and they were quick and easy too since it is not a yeast bread. Forget those Pillsbury canned cinnamon buns and make these in about an hour instead.

Quick Cinnamon buns with Buttermilk Icing
Make 8 buns

Melted butter is used in both the filling and the dough and to grease the pan; it's easiest to melt the total amount at once and measure it out as you need it. The finished buns are best eaten warm, but they hold reasonably well for up to 2 hours.

Cinnamon-Sugar Filling

• 3/4 cup packed dark brown sugar
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1/8 teaspoon cloves
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon unsaslted butter, melted

Biscuit Dough

• 2 1/2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour, plus additional flour for work surface
• 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 1 1/4 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/4 cups buttermilk
• 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Icing

• 2 tablespoons cream cheese, softened
• 2 tablespoons buttermilk
• 1 cup confectioners' sugar

Directions

1. Adjust oven rack to upper-middle position and heat oven to 425F. Pour 1 tablespoon melted butter in 9-inch nonstick cake pan; brush to coat pan.
2. MAKE FILLING: Combine sugars, spices, and salt in small bowl. Add 1 tablespoon melted butter and stir with fork or fingers until mixture resembles wet sand; set filling mixture aside.
3. MAKE BISCUIT DOUGH: Whisk flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in large bowl. Whisk buttermilk and 2 tablespoons melted butter in measuring cup or small bowl. Add liquid to dry ingredients and stir with wooden spoon until liquid is absorbed (dough will look very shaggy), about 30 seconds. Transfer dough to lightly floured work surface and knead until just smooth and no longer shaggy.
4. Pat dough with hands into 12 by 9-inch rectangle. Brush dough with 2 tablespoons melted butter. Sprinkle evenly with filling, leaving 1/2-inch border of plain dough around edges. Press filling firmly into dough. Starting on long side, roll dough, pressing lightly, to form a tight log. Pinch seam to seal. Roll log seam-side down and cut evenly into eight pieces. With hand, slightly flatten each piece of dough to seal open edges and keep filling in place. Place one roll in center of prepared nonstick pan, then place remaining seven rolls around perimeter of pan. Brush with 2 tablespoons remaining melted butter. Bake until edges are golden brown, 23 to 25 minutes. Use offset metal spatula to loosen buns from pan; without separating, slide buns out of pan onto cooling rack. Cool about 5 minutes before icing.
5. MAKE ICING: While buns are cooling, line rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper ( for easy cleanup ); set rack with buns over baking sheet. Whisk cream cheese and buttermilk in large nonreactive bowl until thick and smooth. Sift confectioners' sugar over; whisk until smooth glaze forms, about 30 seconds. Spoon glaze evenly over buns; serve immediately.
6. Eat.

permalink Ω 3 May 2002, Helsinki

Lost Languages

Lost Languages: The Enigma of the World's Undeciphered Scripts is a recently published book on archeological cryptology. It discusses everything from Linear B to Easter Island and is beautifully illustrated. The author also has an upcoming book, The Man Who Deciphered Linear B: The Story of Michael Ventris which should be of equal interest to crypto enthusiasts.

permalink Ω 3 May 2002, Helsinki

Welcome May :)

I must have attended a very progressive Catholic school as we always had a Mayday party with a maypole and bouquets of flowers and candy. The US doesn't celebrate Mayday or Beltane since it's rooted in pagan tradition but it is observed all throughout Europe. Finland celebrates Vappu where the entire country gets utterly drunk for a few days. I wonder if there's a giant spike of births in January :) They also wear the goofy white sailor hats which are, I'm told, the equivalent to the academic mortarboard. Can you imagine an entire population of drunken people in hats running around with balloons to welcome Summer? I can't wait to join in the heathen debauchery :)

permalink Ω 2 May 2002, Helsinki