It's a dog's life

While I was walking HB this morning, before I had my quota of coffee, I started thinking about all the things he can do out on the sidewalk and I can't. I made up a list and sent it to McSweeney's Internet Tendency for grins. I'm coming back as a dog next time, my dog.

Things my dog can do in public, but I can't. It's a dog's life.

• lie down on the sidewalk
• poop and have a well trained human dispose of it
• pee freely
• fart
• stick his head in other people's crotches
• hump other dogs
• eat garbage off the sidewalk
• sniff another dog's butt
• roll in the grass
• howl at the moon
• bark or growl at another dog we don't like
• lick his balls
• eat grass
• drool
• nap
• beg for food from random passers-by and succeed
• wear a collar and walk on a leash
• elicit a smile from almost everyone
• limp and have other people notice or give a damn
• ride the trams for free