Rosemary's Baby at the DNC

You know, it's really difficult for me to tell if Ann Coulter is the 2nd coming of Senator McCarthy or a comic genius. I usually don't bother reading her writing as it has often left me with the same feeling I had after reading Mein Kampf or the Unabomber's manifesto. I was rather amazed to read that USA Today dumped her column reporting on the DNC this week which made me curious enough to read the offending text just to see what could have possibly made her persona non grata with a newspaper that has more colour graphics than actual news since reading is hard for the average American. It's impossible to discern if she's being funny or if she's really as insane as she appears.

Here at the Spawn of Satan convention in Boston, conservatives are deploying a series of covert signals to identify one another, much like gay men do. My allies are the ones wearing crosses or American flags. The people sporting shirts emblazened with the "F-word" are my opponents.  Also, as always, the pretty girls and cops are on my side, most of them barely able to conceal their eye-rolling. 

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As for the pretty girls, I can only guess that it's because liberal boys never try to make a move on you without the UN Security Council's approval.  Plus, it's no fun riding around in those dinky little hybrid cars. My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call "women" at the Democratic National Convention.

I think I need to make a banner that reads "AA-Cup, corndog eatin', cotton wearin' pie wagons for KERRY!", go round up my fellow small boobed femmes and show up at the GOP convention. Coulter looks like a man and isn't exactly well endowed herself so maybe she's saying that she just hangs around the pretty girls since every pretty girl has an ugly sidekick to make her look good. Voting Republican obviously didn't give her big boobies or improve her looks. Perhaps someone forgot to tell her about plastic surgery to giveth what god hath not.

But, seriously, the thought of even one person reading her shit and thinking it's the gospel makes my skin crawl. The Dems are the "Spawn of Satan" now? That rates right up there with the 'evildoers', 'axis of evil' and 'crusade'. It reminds me that these folks who love this kind of dialogue are those who don't think for themselves much and use the word 'flock' to refer to themselves and their friends. They're registered to vote and they vote in large numbers. Expats and escapees who have not registered for an absentee ballot should do so as soon as possible. Please register. Please vote. It's a slim chance that we'll succeed in removing Bush from office, but hope is all we have.

And, Ann Coulter, wherever you are, thanks for reminding me that I needed to register to vote and for giving me the resolve to vote in spite of my waning hope for change. I don't hate America, but I do hate Americans like you who have been placed in positions of power/influence instead of prison or a mental institution.