Advanced Fee Methodology

« Three smiths, three hammers, one bra. »

I've been thinking about enrolling in the University of Nigeria's courses in economics lately since it seems to work pretty well for the graduates. It made me wonder what such a business proposal would look like if it came from Finland instead of Nigeria. Just think of what advanced fee methodologies could do for Finnish enterprise!

URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL

ATTN:PRESIDENT/CEO

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS PROPOSAL

My name is Väinämöinen from Kaleva and I am in dire need of assistance. Your name and address from a mutual close friend who indicated that you would be discreet and helpful.

My people have lost an item of unimaginable wealth to the Mistress of the North, Louhi. The sampo, forged by my good friend the smith Ilmarinen, is capable of producing unlimited amounts of salt, flour and money for those who possess it. Ilmarinen was rewarded for his creation with a wife as he was promised, but I have led many ill-fated attempts to recoup the sampo from the evil Louhi and we need your help.

The sampo is in a Pohjola safe deposit box but, alas, I cannot get to it because of Louhi and my people are starving and dying of the cold. If you can send us $150,000 to buy food and munitions with, we will give you a 25% share the endless wealth of the sampo when we have recovered it.

This is a totally risk-free proposal and the return on your investment to save my people will be infinite wealth! Please treat this matter as very urgent.

Best regards,

Väinämöinen