I had a bad feeling about this

« Three wise men gape in wonder at the crowds paying good money to go see the final (we hope) Star Wars movie. »

We must have been the last people in Helsinki to go see the final Star Wars movie last night judging by the tiny size of the crowd in the theatre. The highest praise one can give this movie is that it "sucks less than the previous two movies" which isn't an encouraging sign that anyone is going to go see it more than once in the theatre. After seeing the original seven or more times when it was first released in 1977, this movie serves only as closure and release from nearly 30 years of waiting for the damn thing to end. Had I known then that I'd have to wait so long and be so apathetic by the time the end arrived maybe I'd not have been so excited about the movies when I was younger.

George Lucas must have forgotten what made the first movie so incredible; a fun story, characters that we gave a damn about and a bit of creativity used to make it all seem believable. The last three movies are all about the special effects with little else to go on since the actors deliver their lines as though there's a teleprompter outside the camera frame and the characters are hard to love given their two-dimensionality. At least Obi-Wan has some redeeming qualities and even delivers the all important "I have a bad feeling about this" line that is uttered in every single movie and, like Hitchcock making a cameo in his movies, leaves you with something to look forward to. It ain't much, but it's something.

Palpatine making his transformation to Darth Swamp Thing did provide some comic relief as all 15 people in the theatre will attest to, but much of the movie was a colossal cosmic bore. I was checking my watch more than 30 minutes before it ended when it seemed like we had been sitting there for an eternity. Anakin is a walking illustration of why 'young and stupid' is one of the immutable constants in the universe, too. And the not very subtle comparison of Sith Lords and Bush was pretty lame in spite of my political leanings. Boring.

There was nothing that made this story human, it was all special effects and set-ups for merch like video games and action figures. I suppose Hollywood figures that special effects can make even the most lacklustre movie worth watching and now, since moviemakers don't seem to have a single original idea, they're going for remakes of classics like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which will no doubt be filled with every whizbang gizmo and outrageous special effect Hollywood currently has to offer. Ironic when one remembers that the whole movie was about the wonders of childhood imagination. Where's Lewis Black as I need him to rant about this on the Daily Show so that I can laugh instead of wondering who has to disappear to get fresh new people making interesting movies again instead of recycling old ideas with bad acting and computer generated animation.

But, I bought my tickets, served my time and now, it is done.

And I think everyone in Helsinki called in sick to work today as the park was teeming with sunbathers and people eating ice cream when I went home to give Otava is usual afternoon walk and lunch. It's a nearly insurmountable challenge to force yourself to go back to a desk job in a climate controlled environment after that. It almost makes me want to be an ice cream kiosk clerk on the Esplanade for the rest of the summer....