Audentes Fortuna Iuvat

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The Da Vinci Code has managed to sell an incredible number of copies in the past few years though I must be one of the very few people on the planet who have not purchased or read the book. Over Easter weekend, we watched a 2-hour special on the fact and fiction of the premise of the book largely because there was nothing else worth watching and the teaser mentioned something about the Catholic church being a bit pissed off about the whole thing. If the Pope is upset, it must be worth watching at least once. It was interesting to see just how far people are willing to go to believe something that is either ridiculous or highly improbable. Since then, there have been two other special programs on the National Geographic Channel's "Secret Bible Week" about the Templars and the apocalypse. And, now that the movie has been released, there are a whole slew of programs with Dan Brown and talking heads trying to look scholarly and thoughtful while thinking about what's for dinner tonight.

Having been through Catholic schools and a Jesuit University, I remain a recovering Catholic but retain some sense of humour at the thought of the Church getting its hackles up over a third-rate novel written by an author whose earlier books were not very popular or critically acclaimed. Throughout the centuries, the church has remained rather touchy about being reminded of its bloody past. The premise that Jesus and Mary Mag were married and had a daughter is entirely plausible, if not probable, but where the suspension of disbelief enters the picture is where Mary and the child disappear without a trace after the crucifixion well before there was a Catholic church whose misogyny their existence might cause problems for. The whole quest for the Holy Grail, a.k.a. Graal in Medieval literature, becomes the search for the lost bloodline of Jesus? I think the UFO abductees have more proof of LGM probing their anal cavities than the idea that the Holy Graal was in fact Jesus' long lost daughter whose descendants became the Merovingian bloodline 300-400 AD. Well, ok, maybe Jesus having a sex life instead of spending a few decades as a human male without jerking off or never having an erection is a little more credible than alien anal probes. There is no parish named "Our Lord of the Blue Balls", is there? I rest my case.

Then there is the idea that the Templars were the guardians of the secret that Jesus and Mary had a daughter and the subsequent bloodline. The Templars have been accused of just about everything imaginable given that a lack of information about something leads to a whole range of crap that people fill the gaps with. Now it is speculated that the Masons are the modern successors of the Templars after they were eradicated in 1307. Trying to imbue Masons with so much mystery is, well, amusing. My grandparents were Masons and every damn Christmas I had to get dressed up and be a bearer of gifts in some cult-like ceremony where each point on a giant 5-point star had some old prune in a different shade of chiffon sitting in a chair waiting for me to arrive after the appropriate incantation. I just figured that it was a social club much like their bridge club where everyone was ancient and had lots of time to kill. Creepy? Yes. Cultish? Yes. Mysterious? No.

Now the movie is out and, wow, what a boring three hour movie it is. Given the choice of what few decent movies seem to be around these days, it was either MI:III or DVC. There are a few amusing parts like the latin speaking killer albino monk and the Soprano cast of Vatican white guys trying to snuff the good guys. I mean, in the 70s when The Exorcist came out the Church had reasonably good grounds to get huffy and ban the movie, thereby ensuring its timeless popularity, as it was based on a true story and involved the arcane practice of exorcism which only the Jesuits in St. Louis seemed willing to attempt in defiance of the Vatican. The Exorcist also had a fabulous score with lots of the scary apocalyptic choir music so often associated with evil or doom whereas I can't even remember if there was any score in DVC. It provided Halloween costume ideas for years and years afterwards, too. What are kids supposed to do now, get into genealogy and trace their family back to French nobility? Boring. With The Da Vinci Code the whole story is fictional, even if parts of it might be plausible. It's not like Dan Brown inserted bits about Jesus preferring his right had to jerk himself off claiming them as fact thus refuting the long cherished belief that every sperm is sacred and that masturbation causes blindness. Think of the chaos that would cause amongst the faithful. What's so blasphemous in suggesting that this son of god guy might have been a regular Joe?

One would think that, after all these years, the Church would have figured out that there is no such thing as bad publicity and that by banning something it nearly guarantees that it will be an international success. Even in Finland, where they wisely ran off the Catholics early on, the movie has been sold out for much of the last week or two and I don't think it's because Tom Hanks is considered a hottie here. I'm sure Dan Brown is thanking the Pope and all the other religious freaks in a huff about the movie every time he looks at his rapidly swelling bank account.

Maybe it's time I wrote the novel about Jesus' wild teenage years and sexual coming of age, Jesus is Coming!.

And those with 10 minutes to kill will enjoy giggling at, The Albino Code, which is both shorter and cheaper than DVC. :)

permalink Ω 29 May 2006, Helsinki

Driven by fear into an age of unreason

« The old Linnanmäki Ferris Wheel. »

A long while back, a close friend of mine and I had a long and seemingly profound conversation about relationships and what he described as 'food compatible' couples. I hadn't really given much thought to something that I generally take for granted, but I began to think, and still do think, that he had a good point in that people who tend to like similar foods (or are adventurous enough to try different things) and who have the same sort of eating routines tend to share more time together eating and are happier for it.

You can, of course, apply this sort of reasoning to other things, too, such as 'movie compatibility'. For some reason or another, Jarkko and I rarely seem to manage getting motivated enough to make it to the movie theatre. We generally like the same sort of movies, but recently he wanted to go see King Kong and, well, I simply didn't have any interest nor could I muster the enthusiasm even to suffer through it which caused a reasonable amount of tension for a week or two. I hadn't realised, or maybe just hadn't given it much thought, that Jarkko enjoys going to the movies a lot more than I do. Movies are great, but with the dreck in the theatres, I'll enjoy curry take-away and a DVD from the comfort of the sofa without a second thought.

Mainstream Hollywood movies are largely formulaic and dull and do seem to be the vast majority of the movies Finland imports. Many of the independent films either don't make it here, run for a week in a micro-theatre or come once a year in a film festival that is often sold out and on weekdays during working hours. I miss the Kendall Sq. Cine near MIT for being a 9 screen wonderland of independent films all year long. I didn't think that Good Night, and Good Luck would make it to Finland, but was delighted to see that it has though tucked away in the Forum theatre which is a lovely, but terribly uncomfortable, old movie house with a Roman motif. I've grown fond of ass cushions and cup holders. :)

Good Night, and Good Luck is, in short, a magnificently understated movie. Filmed in black & white and accompanied by the lush voice of jazz great Dianne Reeves, there is little to distract the viewer from the compelling déjà vu between McCarthyism and modern times. The portrayal of Murrow as a professional journalist acting on principle and moral outrage, yet not without uncertainty and doubt for his own and his teams' safety in a climate of fear driven hysteria, was touching. Murrow's Neil Postman-esque speech regarding TV as a new medium that has potential for good, but likely headed in the direction of dumbing down a nation, is disturbingly prescient as only those who understand human nature can do. Trust, as they say, is knowing exactly what someone will do. I briefly wondered what Murrow would think of TV journalism now when none seem brave enough or strong enough to finally challenge the current administration's wiretapping of the American public, to be the ones to ask that, at long last, have they no shame.

To those who say people wouldn't look; they wouldn't be interested; they're too complacent, indifferent and insulated, I can only reply: There is, in one reporter's opinion, considerable evidence against that contention. But even if they are right, what have they got to lose? Because if they are right, and this instrument is good for nothing but to entertain, amuse and insulate, then the tube is flickering now and we will soon see that the whole struggle is lost. This instrument can teach, it can illuminate; yes, and it can even inspire. But it can do so only to the extent that humans are determined to use it to those ends. Otherwise it is merely wires and lights in a box. There is a great and perhaps decisive battle to be fought against ignorance, intolerance and indifference. This weapon of television could be useful.

George Clooney appears to have begun to channel his moral and political outrage to good use in the form of worthwhile films. I'll go to the cinema any day of the week for a good movie like Good Night, and Good Luck which would certainly improve our movie compatibility rating. I just ordered the DVD though so maybe I'll just watch it from the sofa with Jarkko and Otava and keep hoping that there is an Edward R. Murrow in the US media just waiting for the right opportunity to fight the battle against ignorance and indifference...and reality TV shows.

permalink Ω 20 February 2006, Helsinki

I had a bad feeling about this

« Three wise men gape in wonder at the crowds paying good money to go see the final (we hope) Star Wars movie. »

We must have been the last people in Helsinki to go see the final Star Wars movie last night judging by the tiny size of the crowd in the theatre. The highest praise one can give this movie is that it "sucks less than the previous two movies" which isn't an encouraging sign that anyone is going to go see it more than once in the theatre. After seeing the original seven or more times when it was first released in 1977, this movie serves only as closure and release from nearly 30 years of waiting for the damn thing to end. Had I known then that I'd have to wait so long and be so apathetic by the time the end arrived maybe I'd not have been so excited about the movies when I was younger.

George Lucas must have forgotten what made the first movie so incredible; a fun story, characters that we gave a damn about and a bit of creativity used to make it all seem believable. The last three movies are all about the special effects with little else to go on since the actors deliver their lines as though there's a teleprompter outside the camera frame and the characters are hard to love given their two-dimensionality. At least Obi-Wan has some redeeming qualities and even delivers the all important "I have a bad feeling about this" line that is uttered in every single movie and, like Hitchcock making a cameo in his movies, leaves you with something to look forward to. It ain't much, but it's something.

Palpatine making his transformation to Darth Swamp Thing did provide some comic relief as all 15 people in the theatre will attest to, but much of the movie was a colossal cosmic bore. I was checking my watch more than 30 minutes before it ended when it seemed like we had been sitting there for an eternity. Anakin is a walking illustration of why 'young and stupid' is one of the immutable constants in the universe, too. And the not very subtle comparison of Sith Lords and Bush was pretty lame in spite of my political leanings. Boring.

There was nothing that made this story human, it was all special effects and set-ups for merch like video games and action figures. I suppose Hollywood figures that special effects can make even the most lacklustre movie worth watching and now, since moviemakers don't seem to have a single original idea, they're going for remakes of classics like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory which will no doubt be filled with every whizbang gizmo and outrageous special effect Hollywood currently has to offer. Ironic when one remembers that the whole movie was about the wonders of childhood imagination. Where's Lewis Black as I need him to rant about this on the Daily Show so that I can laugh instead of wondering who has to disappear to get fresh new people making interesting movies again instead of recycling old ideas with bad acting and computer generated animation.

But, I bought my tickets, served my time and now, it is done.

And I think everyone in Helsinki called in sick to work today as the park was teeming with sunbathers and people eating ice cream when I went home to give Otava is usual afternoon walk and lunch. It's a nearly insurmountable challenge to force yourself to go back to a desk job in a climate controlled environment after that. It almost makes me want to be an ice cream kiosk clerk on the Esplanade for the rest of the summer....

permalink Ω 24 May 2005, Helsinki

Shiner

« Steve Zissou in his red knit cap. »

Friday the 13th passed mostly uneventfully except for Otava unintentionally smashing my glasses into my face when I was trying to help him get up from the floor. Having a lens dig into your cheekbone hurts, for the lack of a better description, like a motherfucker. I have a pretty decent shiner and wonder if I look too much like a victim of domestic violence. At least I didn't get caught in the lift at the office again.

We went to see The Life Aquatic last night and it explained why I thought that the stickers around town were Jaques Cousteau instead of Steve Zissou. Great soundtrack and an all-star cast but, wow, what an odd movie. I was expecting it to be a comedy and I kept thinking that I must be missing key bits of pop culture since I wasn't laughing most of the time. I grew up on Cousteau documentaries but they're only a distant vague memory these days. I'm thinking that it might have helped to watch a few of them first to help ease the intense feeling of missing out on all the inside jokes that were certainly there but passed right over my head. And all my favourite actors whom I drooled over in the 70s and 80s are looking mighty old which is always disconcerting.

I'm baking again today...something for graduation parties. The joy and ease of translating a Swedish recipe by simply being able to use a dictionary or guessing is truly orgasmic.

permalink Ω 15 May 2005, Helsinki

Large Piles

« The dirtiest car in Helsinki that became quite covered in all sorts of pictures and slogans. »

It has been an odd sort of week as the following days after a holiday weekend usually are, only amplified by visitors and having today as a holiday, too. I'm even more disoriented than usual as I wondered where the copy of Presso was this morning [comes on Saturday]. :)

Last night Jarkko rang me while I was in my odd mood to match the odd week and informed me that we were going to be seeing a movie at 8p if there were any reservation cancellations. He said something about Orlando Bloom and the title and I went home to walk Otava. I asked before the movie what the premise was and when I heard 'the crusades', my mind computed Bloom+Holy War=3 hour epic that is not anywhere close to being comedy which, I suppose, is a good thing since 3 hours of comedy might be hard on the bladder as you try to laugh.

As we sat down and waited for the movie, a pair of actors were running around in front of screen which I assumed was a bit of absurdist theatre as a plug for some of the arts around town. It made no sense until I heard the guy say 'nice teeth' and it became clear that the whole thing was a live action commercial for a certain brand of toothpaste that conveniently had a brochure in the drink holders. On the backs of the seats, Nokia also had glow-in-the-dark ads for some new model of mobile. Maybe it's because I'm old enough to remember going to movies when you had to be on time because the movie started on time with only occasional trailers, but fuck these advertisers who make us prisoners of their incessant pitches and, well, fuck the theatres too. The ads showed a little bit of unusual creativity but, c'mon, glow-in-the-dark ads in a theatre where your light-seeking eyeball keeps being drawn to it? Assholes. There seem to be no boundaries anymore with regard to when, where and how we are hustled by an ever increasing amount of advertisements. I fully expect toilet paper to come with ads and the toilet to play a jingle on flushing any day now.

On the bright side, the movie was quite good. I drooled over Jeremy Irons briefly and thoroughly enjoyed the fact that this movie will likely make the list of movies the Catholic church urges its followers not to see due to objectionable content. Devout Catholics who believe the Crusades were a highlight in the history of christianity will likely be quite offended as I don't expect fanatical Mel Gibson and his sect to be snapping up tickets. I may just have to go see it a few more times to encourage more movies like this in these crazy times. The movie did leave me with the same questions I have when reading the news: Why do the crazy idiots seem to get people to follow them even knowing that without water in a desert against the natives they're dead? Why are the sane people usually agnostic and so rare? Why do religious fanatics still abound and why hasn't anyone burned Vatican City and salted the smoldering ground as a reminder of its thousands of years of corruption? Some questions are eternal. I also thought about what would happen if someone discovered a document that revealed that Jerusalem was not the holy site people have fought so pointlessly over for thousands of years. What if it was really atop Mt. Ararat in Turkey? or some rock long since covered in sand out in the Sahara?

The best quote of the week was from a sure sign of great economic times in the US, a programmer turned pooper-scooper professes his love for St. Bernards in a moment of zen-like wisdom. :)

St. Bernard (dogs) are my favorite customers since they poop in large piles which are easy to find.

And then he goes on to say....

It sure beats computer programming because it's flexible, and I get to be outside.

He's right about technology being even less exciting than scooping poop these days. Hmmm....

permalink Ω 5 May 2005, Helsinki

The Day The Earth Froze

I've been watching the 1980s TV serial adaptation of the Kalevala, Rauta-aika [Iron Age], being shown in 4 parts on Tuesdays on YLE2. I've never really liked adaptations which may be due to having been forced to sit through a torturous production of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing that was set on a tennis court and featured something I could only describe as valley girls with big hair and bubble gum. The actors were lucky we didn't start throwing things and booing. Rauta-aika isn't all that bad even though the actors speak prose and some of the costumes are pretty over the top. A few days ago I mentioned the show to Chip Salzenberg, the human movie quote database, who immediately asked, "The Day the Earth Froze?" No, the Kalevala, not some bad sci-fi flick. As it happens, Chip and Jeff Goff are MST3K devotees who provided me with the MST3K episode featuring the absurdly bad The Day the Earth Froze which, in spite of the misleading title, is a 1959 movie of the Kalevala.

The movie was titled Sampo everywhere else but the US without explanation as to who thought the B-movie sci-fi title would be a brilliant replacement. The US version is also about 30 minutes shorter although, judging by what wasn't cut, it likely was an act of mercy. The Ministry of Culture in the then USSR apparently funded and commissioned this entertainment bomb for some deeply mysterious reason. The US version changes many the Russian and Finnish names to sound, presumably, less like commies and the opening credits manage to misspell Lönnrot's name. The MST3K guys often mock the Swedish in the episode but I think the Finns wouldn't bother to correct them and let the Swedes take all the credit for this total suckfest. The English dubbing over the original Russian is spectacularly bad, too, as I guess no one bothered to ask how the Finnish words and names were pronounced and, after a while, I think they just started making shit up. One of the more hilarious moments of heckling is when Crow makes fun of the actress who plays Louhi by saying, "Marty Feldman in a role that won't surprise you!" :)

It was good for a laugh but it was like watching a Paris Hilton version of Walden Pond set in a luxury tourist resort where you begin to wonder if you haven't slipped into a parallel and alternate reality. It's a pity that no one has actually done a full movie production of the Kalevala or a film of the people who kept the stories alive before they were finally collected by Lönnrot and written down. I think even a low-budget "Blair Witch" style Kalevala movie would suck less than this movie does. I have a new appreciation for Rauta-aika now. :)

permalink Ω 13 September 2004, Helsinki

You are what you eat

« A predictable and amusing porno spoof on the GIGO Monkey. »

We went to see Supersize Me on Friday night at the Espoo Film Festival which was the Finnish premier and featured an introduction and Q & A session after the movie with the director Morgan Spurlock. It was an interesting movie and I really enjoyed his attention to the medical data from three different medical professionals as well as a dietician. I don't know that anyone would be crazy enough to eat McDonald's for every meal for 30 days but it really was a surprise to see the dramatic degradation of his health in such a short time.

Perhaps the most important message of the film is directed to children and their parents in the US. The budgets for schools in the US has been cut so much in the past decade that they are being forced to allow for commercial advertising and for selling soft drinks, candy and fast food to help raise money for such things as books and, well, education. How sleazy or desperate do you have to be to allow your schools to pimp themselves out to the fast food and candy industries? And, to cut to the chase, the US is overflowing with supersized, fat, morbidly corpulent people. It is. I used to be a teenage fatass or, as they called it back then "husky", but I wasn't as enormous as kids are these days and I was almost a singularity in a whole gradeschool of skinny kids. I remember when I was about 10 when I saw a woman go by in the hospital where my mom worked whose kneecaps, her kneecaps, had folds of fat that flapped as she walked almost to the middle of her shin. She was like a circus freak since I had never in my life seen anyone so incredibly obese, but these days all it takes is a trip to any shopping mall in America to find such a person. It's a serious problem, especially for the children who will have a lifetime of health and weight problems. Of course, people think you're being mean when you point this out and I know firsthand how it feels to be on the wrong end of the stick but, then again, I don't weigh 400 pounds these days either. People feel free to point out that smoking kills and I wonder how long before it's common for people to approach the morbidly obese and start hassling them for the same reasons.

Is McDonald's to blame? No, I still don't think Spurlock explored the connection well enough and it would be far too easy and simplistic to point at them and name them as the cause of obesity in children. Even as a contributing factor I still wouldn't go as far as allowing people to sue the corporation for catering to what people seem to want as it is the American Way, isn't it? I suspect that the answer is complex and is probably far more related to the changes in lifestyle since the 1970s where people are just too busy to cook or share a real meal at home with each other. My mother worked full-time but damn if we didn't have dinner with the family, every night, at 7pm which was usually cooked by one of my sisters or me. I hated it as I got older but perhaps there was an ancient wisdom there that once cast aside has led to the current epidemic of obesity. These days both parents often work and fast food is a quick and easy solution to feeding the family. Portions are enormous. Noone walks anywhere. People get fat. There's a lot going on in this pressing issue and it's not just contained in the US as the UK is quickly catching up. It could happen here, too. It's a good movie but don't eat a Big Mac before watching it as we did as I felt sick as a dog for a day afterwards. :)

And, it's almost September with a bunch of exciting new books coming out in the next month or three.

• The Future Dictionary of America ~ The concept of what a dictionary might look like in 30 years sounds intriguing.
• The Algebraist ~ I hope this book is as good as the synopsis and first chapter sample suggest it will be. I'll forgive Iain for his sad whisky tour book if it is.
• The System of the World ~ The final book in the saga cannot get here soon enough. I'm almost sad to see the end nearing.
• The Mind's Eye: Writings on Photography and Photographers ~ A collection of HCB essays.
• Slightly Out of Focus ~ Especially now with all the journalists in Iraq being targeted, noone says much about the photographers who have to get close to their subjects. A memoir by one of the original photojournalists should be a good read.
• Waiting for the End of the World ~ A photoessay of fallout shelters. I always wanted to buy an old decommissioned army shelter and silo in Kansas just for the comfort factor.
• Extreme Measures : The Dark Visions and Bright Ideas of Francis Galton ~ Another in the long list of 'forgotten' scientist books on the man to blame for the nature vs. nuture Victorianism.
• Portuguese Irregular Verbs ~ Academic novel/mystery that looks entertaining.
• The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs ~ The sequel to the above.
• Lonely Planet Say What?: Comparing Funny Expressions From... ~ This could be terrific if it's done well.
• The Penguin Book of Facts ~ Reference books filled with all sorts of useful and useless information are wonderful things.
• Accomodating Brocolli in the Cemetary ~ I looked at this book just for the title and the topic of spulling is a sore point for all those familiar with English. The title is clever not only for making you curious enough to look but it incorporates three often misspelled words, too. :)
• Molvania: A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry (Jetlag Travel Guide) ~ A spoof of modern travel guides that looks pretty hilarious.

permalink Ω 30 August 2004, Helsinki

Celsius 488.333

« The Fahrenheit 9/11 banners and Spiderman at Tennispalatsi a few weeks ago. »

I have been patiently awaiting the release of F9/11 since I just can't be bothered to download movies at 6kbps from the usual places on the net. Given the choice of wading through my inbox or going to see the afternoon matinee of F9/11 there was no contest. Michael Moore is a difficult person to love given the sort of smug unctuosity he exudes at times. He infuses his movies with so much of his own personality that it's a challenge to love his movies if you don't have much fondness for the man behind the camera. However, this movie is bigger than him and bigger than his personality. I want to see it again and maybe even buy the DVD when it's released. It's more of an editorial movie than a documentary, but I found it a bit overwhelming and I'm unable to summarize it. He did a good job and I would have loved to drive the ice cream truck around Capitol Hill while he read the Patriot Act to Congress.

James Bamford's book, A Pretext for War : 9/11, Iraq, and the Abuse of America's Intelligence Agencies, also discusses similar and, perhaps, even more damaging evidence pointing to the premeditated corruption of the Bush administration. I am not optimistic that Kerry will win in November and I'm not encouraged that a mere change of president will solve some of the most troubling problems in the US, but I'm glad that at least some people are willing to break from the ranks of those who cling to their safe silence to voice their opinions, to challenge the status quo, no matter what the risk may be. I have noticed a trend of Americans abroad wearing Kerry buttons as if to suggest that they're not one of those Americans, yet I wonder if they wear them back home.

permalink Ω 7 August 2004, Helsinki

The Day Before the Day After Tomorrow

Jarkko and I got to see a sneak preview of The Day After Tomorrow last night courtesy of a green party candidate, Satu Hassi, who raffled the tickets off on her website. What made the event more interesting than the average movie was that she invited 2 professors to speak after the movie and answer questions from the audience. Someone, of course, asked the meteorologist how they can predict weather in 50 years when they get the daily forecast wrong so often. :) The movie gives you a lot to think about if you can see beyond the Hollywood effects and it was strangely comforting to have a couple of people who spend their lives studying this very subject discuss how realistic they think the story is. While they both seemed to think it wasn't a likely scenario, they didn't say it was impossible. Their models seem to indicate drought and famine in India along with dramatic warming and coastal flooding instead. Given the choice, perhaps being flash-frozen is a better way to go. Wouldn't it be fun to have the oil reserves depleted about the same time? I knew I was screwed years ago when I got that fortune cookie with a may you live in interesting times message.

I won't offer any spoilers, but there are a couple of intensely gratifying parts of the movie like the random storm in LA that takes out the entire city. There's apocalyptic goodness for the people of England, too. :) I was annoyed with the terribly predictable boy gets the girl, the dog survives and everyone has a happy ending features, but much of the movie does try to get your attention by taking a plausible, albeit very unlikely, scenario without overdoing it more than necessary. The idea that only folks south of the Mason-Dixon line in the US survive is also a bit too depressing to contemplate. Well, at least Florida was swallowed by the sea before the golf carts could escape. I think watching this movie helped me pinpoint why I have loved apocalyptic and dystopian movies and books for almost all of my life; adversity forces people to drop the bullshit and concentrate on one thing, survival. I'm still rooting for the planet, but there is the slightest sliver of hope that maybe humanity will smarten up sometime soon. I'm a dreamer, I know. It's a good movie that is best watched with a big box of popcorn and a beer or three afterwards. Prepare.

permalink Ω 28 May 2004, Helsinki

Whither originality?

The movie send-up of the old TV show I grew up with, Starsky and Hutch, finally arrived in Finland and, given the current movies playing in the theatres here, we went to see it in hopes that its solid cast might make for a fun 2 hours. I'll save the spoilers and just sum it up by saying, "Wait for the DVD bargain rental", as my review. The only highlights of the movie are Owen Wilson, who is always nice to look at, and Snoop Dogg as the pimp Huggy Bear. Even so, it's not worth the ticket price to see it in the theatre unless you still wear the Starsky and Hutch underroos or have your room plastered with posters from the original series.

I always feel slightly guilty when I go to see these movies that are shamelessly unoriginal and pandering to the nostalgia of the GenX crowd, who are old enough now to reminisce about "the good old days", since I think it encourages Hollywood to continue to make more of them because they are financially viable. While the soundtracks are often terrific with universally enjoyed classics, who wants to remember what fashion disasters we were back then? I've been noticing the bold geometric shapes and awful colours of the new fashions attempting to evoke the 1960s style and it makes me cringe. Well, given the choice, the 60s fashions are still far better than the 80s fashions. Still, are we doomed to live with recycled TV shows, movies, movie sequels of sequels, music, fashion and art due to an utter lack of creativity and fear of failure? Even computing has largely stagnated in creativity since noone wants to face a financial failure so companies tend to stick to the tried and true. There are small pockets of creativity out there, but they are seemingly unrewarded for their effort to buck the mainstream.

It is particularly disturbing when you discover that Finland did, in fact, air the TV series way back when. No wonder the world thinks the US is totally fucked up and weird. I mean, if TV is the window to US culture, then why aren't foreign syndication companies picking up PBS documentaries or something better than the Anna Nicole Show or The Osbournes? America is a pop culture machine and it does it bigger, better and faster than anyone else in the world and then exports it relentlessly. Inside of the US, most of these shows have context and an appropriate amount of ridicule, but outside of the US I can't imagine what a show like Starsky and Hutch would mean to someone living in Botswana or even Finland since they didn't mean very much to those of us living in the US outside of California. People around the world think that the US looks either like Southern California or NYC since that's where the vast majority of the older series were filmed and I've always been annoyed with that.

I've been trying to get a pulse on Finnish pop culture for over a year now and, aside from Pizza Enrico, a few bands that are really quite good, and the occasional film, it seems like most of it is imported from the US. Perhaps it is because I live in Helsinki, but everywhere I go I hear American music in the pubs and shops, see American movies, and notice a variety of other American products. I suppose that I should feel at home with all of this familiar stuff, but in truth it pisses me off since if I wanted American pop culture I could just hop the next flight home. Finland has plenty of traditions, folklore and identity, but the pop culture seems far less distinct and mingled with an abundance of Yankee imports. Whether or not this has more to do with my being sensitive to the presence of American pop culture and not being fluent in Finnish remains to be seen. But, as a reasonably fresh import myself, it's hard to pin down. Especially now when America is just recycling the golden oldies, I have really been hoping that other countries, including Finland, would seize the opportunity to show the world some dazzling originality.

**disclaimer: Don't get your panties in a twist as I'm not on a crusade here. Imagine yourself moving to the US and mostly hearing Finnish music in the pubs and Finnish movies and TV shows in the theatres and on TV, wouldn't that be irritating in the extreme or at least weird? Everywhere I go in the world, it seems like the US has followed me there with McDonald's, Pizza Hut, movies and music. Who needs big brother when the spectre of pop culture haunts you wherever you go? The great homogenizer, that's the US.

permalink Ω 23 April 2004, Helsinki

Lost in Translation

The movie Lost in Translation finally arrived in Finland recently and without exaggeration I must admit that it is one of 3 or 4 movies I have ever seen and immediately wanted the DVD. Aside from the sparse dialogue that is crisp, excellent performances from Bill Murry and Scarlett Johansson, and cinematography that helps to tell the story instead of trying to impress the viewers, there was an insight to the human condition that is rarely ever explored with such frankness in film; What happens when you lose your sense of place and belonging?

Expats are not so unlike the characters in the movie as we are strangers in strange lands with varying degrees of isolation and feelings of being lost. Often expats don't feel at home in their own country and go in search of someplace that should feel like home but don't always find it. The sense of dislocation in LiT is only emphasized not created by the Tokyo landscape and Japanese language barrier.

A lot of reviewers call this movie a love story of sorts, but I saw two expats, one young and one much older, who are adrift in themselves and in their lives without a place they can call home or people who will listen and understand them. Maybe they are people who never made friends very easily or haven't yet figured out what they want out of life. What is often labeled as 'wanderlust' or 'nomadic' is likely a desire to find the missing niche or some meaning in life. Some people, like Bob, have been looking for a long time. The elevator scene in which Bill Murry looms over the Japanese businessmen is a brilliant dialogue-free moment that beautifully captures the sense of being apart, of being different than everyone else, of feeling exposed, of being alone.

Perhaps the most profound feature of the two lost souls in LiT is the lack of intimacy with everyone around them. Charlotte calls a friend at a low point who puts her on hold whereupon she clues in that this is not someone with whom she can divulge her feelings of desolation. Intimacy is becoming a rare experience in life, even Bob and Charlotte possess it only briefly before moving on. You find yourself wondering if Charlotte will still be as lost at Bob's age since it's clear he has seen a bit of his own lost youth in hers.

permalink Ω 24 February 2004, Helsinki

Return of the Fans

The last time I stood in line for more than an hour for movie tickets was for The Empire Strikes Back so I was not about to queue up for LotR tickets for several days in the cold just to get in for the midnight showing. I wanted to see the costumes of the more devoted fans though so we went down to the theatre and watched the crowds of Elves, Nazgul, Wizards and Hobbits go by. A few disinterested freaks were playing "Dance, Dance, Revolution!". Heathens.

There wasn't much time and the theatre was mobbed so I couldn't get many pictures. There wasn't any other press that I noticed and few of the news wires have photos of fans in costume so I put the few photos of fans that I managed to get up on-line. The Nazgul costume was fabulous and I'm a bit sorry that I didn't get a much better pic of him/her. There was a dude on knee pads which I presume was a Hobbit costume but I can't say that it was very clever. Lots of Gandalfs and Arwens but no Ents! I guess that sitting in the theatre as an Ent would get you defoliated pretty damn quick but, still, in a country where the trees are as important as the sky itself I was sad to be deprived of Ents in costume.

The 10D, in spite of the fact that Canon serviced it back in September, is beginning to resemble the electrical system in my old Volvo which had it's own demon and sense of humour. The camera behaves in unpredictable ways at times and, especially in low light, likes to crash. I loved my old Volvo in spite of its quirks and law-of-physics defying cantankerousness by sometimes only allowing the passenger window to roll down on the coldest day of the year. Multiple mechanics couldn't ever find a thing wrong with the window motor or the electrical system in general but I knew there was some sort of anime in the machine. And now, the camera has begun to behave the same.

permalink Ω 17 December 2003, Helsinki

Quentin Knows

We went to see Quentin Tarantino's new movie, Kill Bill. It's a masterpiece. It's comedy, drama and tragedy but, most importantly, Quentin shows that he knows what women know about themselves. Shakespeare knew in the Taming of the Shrew and Ridley Scott knew in Alien but Quentin doesn't let the viewer ignore the reality through subtlety. Women are cold and ruthless.

I am likely jaded by my years in an all-girl Catholic school and being born into a family with 3 sisters and no brothers where this lesson is learned quickly lest you find yourself in a hell that only girls can inflict upon each other. There have been some recent books on this wisdom that guys are either too stupid to notice, choose to ignore or capitalise on: Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls [ Hidden? Only if you're willfully ignoring it ] and Woman's Inhumanity to Woman. A bitch is just a more overt version of the passive-aggressive picture of sweetness and light over in the corner looking demure. Guys fight and then go out for a beer but girls fight until hair flies, blood is drawn, and the wound salted.

When Uma is at the home of one of her would-be assassins and the other woman offers her coffee, anyone who understands the nature of women knows that one of them isn't going to leave that house alive. It is also interesting how Bill and another female assassin view mercy differently. Bill thinks killing her in a coma would be wrong in spite of having shot her in the head while pregnant and in a wedding dress while the woman thinks it would be the ultimate mercy -- a significant difference in cold and ruthless. The most wonderful tip of the hat is GoGo who is a Catholic school girl in complete uniform while eviscerating guys with her 'instrument'. Yes, Quentin understands.

I have always held the opinion that a special ops force of trained and equipped Catholic school girls and nuns would be a formidable foe against most any opponent and I'm very happy to see that Quentin Tarantino illustrates that assertion very well. :)

permalink Ω 4 November 2003, Helsinki

Snapshot of a life

Noone ever takes a photograph of something they want to forget....

We went to see One Hour Photo the other night. It's Kubrick-esque in it's sparse yet meaning-laden detail while telling a story that could happen anywhere if you cared to look for it. Sy the photoguy is played by Robin Williams; a performance that will change the way you think about him. Sy is not some random psycho killer but an average guy with no family or friends alienated from society with only his job to provide him with some sense of purpose for his tiny little life lived in silent desperation....until he sees someone who seems to have everything he doesn't throw it all away. It's disturbing because we all know someone like Sy yet make little room in our lives for them.

It's an excellent film.

permalink Ω 2 September 2002, Helsinki

When parodies attack!

So the Attack of the Clones is here finally and, like everyone else it seems, I'm waxing nostalgic for the Star Wars that was so impressive at first but has become a hackneyed part of the pop culture fabric of life. My older sister dragged me to the movie back in 1977 when she ran out of boyfriends to take her yet didn't want to go alone. We wound up seeing it 8 or 9 times and we eagerly awaited the next movie. Part of the charm of the movies was their almost B-movie quality dialogue and plot combined with the romance of space and special effects. Success changes everything and kills that which made it so attractive in the beginning, the edge dulls.

Last year Jarkko and I visited a touring exhibit titled The Art of Star Wars. [ Incidently it has finally arrived in the US "Star Wars: The Magic of Myth" at the Brooklyn Museum of Art until 7 July. ] The most interesting thing about the exhibit was the contrast between the style of the first 3 movies and the Phantom Menace. Immediately you realise just how much more money has been spent and how garish it seems compared to the austere simplicity of the first 3 movies. I also learned that the necklace Leia wears in the awards ceremony at the end of the first film was designed by a Finn.

Rather than fighting the crowds to see a movie that will ultimately disappoint and irritate me even more than PM did I decided to watch a few parodies instead; You'll laugh, you'll cry! You'll kiss $12.99 good-bye! Hardware Wars and Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle. I also need to get a copy of George Lucas in Love. Even political satirists are hopping the pop culture wave with May the Farce Be with You.

I'm not sure which aggravates me more; knowing that I'll go see the movie even though I'm reasonably sure it will suck or Darth Jesus and the Jar Jar Binks show. The Death Star has a tractor beam on my wallet.

Mesa gotsa bad feeling about this. :)

permalink Ω 17 May 2002, Helsinki

Brush with greatness

I just had one of those "where are they now" moments when I started playing a new Petshop Boys CD and wondered what happened to a guy I knew in university. I casually put his name into Google and, damn, Bill Boll is a filmmaker along with Hickenlooper. I'm still in shock.

This was a guy who would paste the campus with goofy flyers on every billboard for his avant garde music shows with ribald titles. A number of friends I knew would go and drag me along, one evening Bill even asked me to be a go-go dancer since the pre-arranged person hadn't showed. I said no, but the mutual friends conspired, got me liquored up and I wound up in thigh-high purple boots and an orange and white spotted miniskirt hopping around to Bill's music.

One New Year's Eve, Bill threw a party and a few of us fortified our evening with Vitamin A to usher in the new. Hickenlooper stopped by as I recall but didn't stay. I didn't really know George but his father was the esteemed Shakespearean guest professor at my high school as well as a playwright of some acclaim. The loo was equipped with a tape recorder that night where guests were asked to record some profound thought in words while using the facilities. Listening to the tape after everyone had left was pretty hilarious too :) Bill's tie collection was also burned into my memory since they were outrageous and bright under the influence. There was freezing rain/sleet that night and around 3am we went out onto Lindell Boulevard and started skating around without coats or gloves as though we'd live forever. It is interesting what lingers in the memory nearly 20 years later.

A few years ago I ran into the ex-girlfriend of one of the guys in the crowd that I had a severe crush on and enquired about Bill among others. She told me he had gone out to California and was studying to be an Environmental Lawyer. Odd, I thought, but everyone seems to grow up, sell out and make a living eventually. Now that I know he's doing something creative and didn't bow to the maturity manifesto I'm pleased and a bit jealous. Bill, I salute you for sucking the marrow out of life just like I had always knew you would.

permalink Ω 8 April 2002, Helsinki

AKEZ QFXB EFUL JW

I have been waiting a seeming eternity for Enigma, the movie about Bletchley Park to finally be released after being delayed last Fall [ 3 May for those of us in Cambridge ].

I'm hoping they aren't going to turn it into a vehicle for Kate Winslet and tell the story as it deserves to be told with less focus on sex and Turing and more on the scores of women who did much of the decrypting tedium, the guys from Huts 5 and 6, and the heroic efforts of the Polish to solve and get a working model of the enigma to Bletchley, without which there would be no story. I am likely to be disappointed as there's nothing like a sexy movie star or a popular recipient of myth like Turing to distort history.

Cryptologia is a wonderful journal that often has articles on the Enigma and there's even a Perl module, Crypt::Enigma, though not historically accurate, available to play with.

permalink Ω 2 April 2002, Helsinki

Janeane Garofalo in Big Trouble

I've always been a big fan of the ascerbic comics like H.L. Mencken, Joe Queenan [ the book white trash had me howling with laughter :) ] and Janeane Garofalo. Janeane was on Conan last night promoting the new movie she's in, Big Trouble, based on the Dave Barry book.

I love Janeane for her cutting wit and her refusal to dress up like a barbie doll to fit the hollywood mold. As I sat on the couch with my hair all grody, wearing sweatpants with fuzzy wookie legs I got the impression she could actually hang out in my living room. If fashion means looking like Gwen Paltrow, Janeane keep on holding your own :) I must also note that she has fabulous taste in eyewear with a nicely styled tortoise cateye frame.

permalink Ω 30 March 2002, Helsinki

Billy Wilder R.I.P.

Billy Wilder you were missed before you were gone. :( I hope they have better movies where you are than what's at the theatres this weekend.

permalink Ω 29 March 2002, Helsinki

Forget the Hoover, think Black Hole

The Economist has an interesting article this week about Artificial Black Holes the immediately reminded me of an excellent book titled As She Climbed Across the Table where Alice, a physicist, creates what she comes to call "The Lack", a rather punctilious little desktop black hole. Theories about black holes have been around for quite sometime, even inspiring The Black Hole credited with the very first instance of CGI. It's an interesting field of physics and maybe they'll succeed so that in 30 years we can have our very own desktop black hole metaphysical rubbish bin that will put the entire sanitation industry right out of business. :)

permalink Ω 29 January 2002, Helsinki

Or There and Back Again for a Dragonleather Jacket

Last night TorgoX asked me if Jarkko had first read the Lord of the Rings in Finnish or English. Last August Jarkko purchased a copy of LOTR for his sister and commented how the Finnish translation of Taru Sormusten Herrasta [ and available for 20€ at Akateeminen Kirjakauppa in Helsinki ] was far superior in some ways to the English as much care was taken by the translator to capture the essence of the story. Tolkien also studied Finnish at some point in his education before settling on English which may have helped the translator somewhat in communicating with Tolkien.

In my quest to find the Finnish edition online for TorgoX I happened to come across The Snobbit and Lord of the Legos which needs no translation at all for those who can't be bothered to read the rather lengthy tome. :)

permalink Ω 8 January 2002, Helsinki

Waiting for Jar Jar

Since 90% of the people whom I used to call 'users' have been laid-off these days, I often find myself rather bored since users tend to keep things more lively than I ever could muster alone. I feel pretty guilty about wasting time around the office so I've started doing Finnish vocabulary drills on my Mac with the Finnish parts of 101 Languages of the World, a workbook I picked up in Helsinki and making up old fashioned low-tech flash cards for rote memorisation.

Or, at least I felt guilty until I read that 2 guys are waiting for Star Wars from 1 January until 16 May at a theatre they aren't even certain will be showing the flick and are calling it ART. How can two grown slacker guys sit out in front of a theatre for 5 months waiting for a movie and call it art?

"Waiting for Star Wars is an art project designed to capture the evolution and journey of one person's wait for a single event (Star Wars Episode II). It will be captured by time-indexed photographs taken every hour as well as pictures and video of the people we interact with.

This project also explores the issue of the pursuit of happiness. It asks how much will a person sacrifice for a temporary acquisition, and questions whether a person can be happy with just food and shelter in pursuit of that acquisition. It also asks, will society as a whole fear or accept people for not desiring the things they desire, or for desiring things they consider frivilous or ridiculous. Finally, as we move into the next millennium, I wonder if our fast-paced society has become unwilling to slow down and wait for the things that bring us the greatest joy. This wait will test my mettle as I attempt to do just that."

These guys are straight out of the Man Show. "Both men are single", the article says...wow, what a shocker! What woman or employer wouldn't beat a path to these guys? Well, at least you'd know where they were all night and the dates would be regular if a bit dull. :) It might be art if they created 'clones' of themselves and left them out to hold their place in line but, wow, now I can slack on IRC, eat chips, scratch my ass and do utterly pointless things for an hour or three completely guilt free henceforth. It's art!

permalink Ω 7 January 2002, Helsinki

Midnite Movie Madness

A couple of years ago the MNW.pm was formed and its inspiration came from a movie that was so bad it was good. Now it would seem that MGM has released a new series of B-Movie Classics on DVD they call Midnite Movies. Yes, now you can own Mars Needs Women, Morons from Outer Space, Killer Klowns from Outer Space and, my personal favourite starring native St. Louisan Vincent Price, Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine for around $14 each. Wahoo! perl monger gatherings with popcorn and beer on a Friday night will never been the same again :)

permalink Ω 5 January 2002, Helsinki

Even Martian guys stuff their pants

While surfing tonight I somehow managed to find a movie that is not only a Christmas B-Movie classic rated #90 on the Bottom 100 movies of all time, but Pia Zadora's very first film...yes, it is Santa Claus Conquers The Martians . I know you are thinking that this movie is begging for a remake. I wonder if they will change the reindeer "Nixon" to "Clinton" :)

permalink Ω 12 December 2001, Helsinki

Ocean's Eleven

We went to see Ocean's Eleven tonight and I haven't seen a show sell out like this since, gee, a Star Wars sequel. All I can say is that, though it is not the 'brat pack' original, it's a damn fine movie on par with the brilliant original version of Thomas Crown Affair. If you are concerned about being assaulted by too much of Julia Roberts, go anyway since she's only there for decoration, has few lines and we are mercifully spared and left to enjoy the rest of the movie. It was funny, too, when we were leaving and I overheard some guy tell his buddy "So, I don't get it. Everyone was laughing but I didn't get it. Was it funny?" I predict it will get 7 Academy Award Nominations especially since this years movies have been so unmemorable. Go see it. :)

permalink Ω 8 December 2001, Helsinki

Zombie Gore Porn

What is Zombie Gore Porn? mmmm....gorn. I'll bet the actors didn't go to Cosmo's Sex University...

permalink Ω 5 December 2001, Helsinki

The Royal Tenenbaums

Coming 14 December in NYC, 21 December everywhere else to a theatre in the US near you is The Royal Tenenbaums which looks to be the funniest movie of the year and has the bonus of Gene Hackman and Anjelica Houston.

permalink Ω 15 November 2001, Helsinki

I shall call him...Dick Soft!

I am crushed to find out that I missed the open casting call yesterday to play the young Austin Powers in the upcoming movie Goldmember . I hope they get Shirley Bassey to sing "GooolllddMembah, the man with the Midas prriiicck". Oh yeah, baby. Gold would be hypo-allergenic but I would bet it would be too soft to be..erm, effective. :)

permalink Ω 21 October 2001, Helsinki

Every Hand has a Thumb...

Apparently Amazon.com and its software that knows everything that you have bought and predicts what you will find interesting has recommended Thumb Wars , a send-up of Star Wars, now available on DVD. I thought that it had to be a joke and that maybe OBL and the boys had decided to take a different approach to terrorism, but IMDB confirms it's legit. This will fit well with the collection of Spaceballs and Park Wars which are free of Jar Jar Binks and funny as hell :)

I wonder if there is a chorus singing "Every thumb is sacred, every thumb is good, if a thumb is wasted..." Can Thumb Trek be far behind?

n.b. Oh, I had to ask..... Thumbatrix and Thumbtanic .

permalink Ω 19 October 2001, Helsinki

Haiku Tunnel

I wanted to go see the movie Haiku Tunnel at the Kendall Sq. Cinema and have a pint of Great Pumpkin Ale at CBC tomorrow night as the movie is reminiscent of the comedy classic Office Space but no, one week after it landed at Kendall, it's gone. So, go see it soon if it is currently showing in your town as it seems to have evaporated around here.

permalink Ω 15 October 2001, Helsinki

Dean Jones is Bob Dobbs?!

After having a few cocktails to ease out of a less than terrific week, 2am rolls around and finds me channel surfing on the TV desperately trying to avoid news or anything remotely resembling the news. The only thing cable TV does for you is give you a much larger selection of nothing to watch.

But I caught an image while flipping through the channels of a face burned into my memory from watching too many Walt Disney movies as a kid; Dean Jones!. The movie was Monkeys Go Home! with an absurd blurb about an American who inherits a farm in France, is disliked by the locals and hires monkeys to work the farm. I thought it must be some hopeless B-movie until I noticed that Maurice Chevalier was listed in the cast so I decided to stare blankly at it for a while.

What is most disturbing about Dean Jones is just how squeaky clean this guy looks. I mean, I grew up with this guy in That Darn Cat!, The Horse in the Grey Flannel Suit and all of the Herbie the Love Bug movies only to find he made a terribly convincing villain in the St. Bernard movie Beethoven. But the more I stared at his face last night the more I began to see the visage of Bob Dobbs, spiritual leader of The Church of the SubGenius and man of slack. All this time Dean Jones has been a subversive force in bad B-movies while looking like the most bland plastic white guy I've ever seen?!

Surely this must be a sign that the end of days is near so maybe I should become an ordained minister in the Church of the SubGenius!. Slack, slack and more slack for Bob!

permalink Ω 13 October 2001, Helsinki